Will I pass this test? Will I fail this project? What if I don’t get the job? What about this?! What about that!? What if!!?!?
And my husband has always known this about me. He has always answered all of my ‘what ifs’ with (mostly) patience and kindness. With a simple ‘everything will be okay’. With his neverending optimism.
The trouble, though, began after I had our baby. It started with ‘is she gaining enough weight?’ and then after a brief hospitalization, ‘is my milk making her sick!?’.
Is she warm enough? Do I have enough baby ‘stuff’ with us? Is she crying because I’m a bad mom?
What if I’m a bad mom?
What if I’m a bad wife?
What if you leave me? Leave us?
What if I die?
She always gained enough weight. I wasn’t making her sick. She’s warm enough and fed enough and loved MORE than enough.
I’m a good mom. A good wife. And he hasn’t left me, won’t leave us.
And I didn’t die.
I’m okay, and he reminds me. Every time I worry, or get upset.
It’s going to be okay!
Because he lives with limitless optimism, and he shares some with me, when I need it.
Thank you, Kevin, for loving me through it all.